My Daoist Life - 38
Bamboo Shoots Fried Meat
“Fatty look, there’s a wild boar taking a bath in the pool.” I said loudly while pointing at the pool.
“Where, where?” Huang Shulang promptly ran over, extending his head to look at the pool.
I promptly kicked Huang Shulang’s buttocks.
Huang Shulang directly fell down just like a pig.
“You deceived me, Master! Ah!”
The water splashed really high. I didn’t worry about Huang Shulang drowning to death. After the 90s, it was rare to see anyone in the rural area who couldn’t swim. Moreover, there was a river not far from the Ba Jiao Village. In the village, it was rare to find any man or woman who was unable to swim. Huang Shulang is also said to have, on multiple occasions, gone hiding behind the river reef and peep at the village women taking bath.
The water in the pool was not shallow, it was more than ten feet deep. Huang Shulang had finally floated up after a bit.
Huang Shulang spat out a mouthful of water, then blurted out: “Master, master, you don’t want to teach me martial arts, but you still shouldn’t dispose of me. I know that you cherish Teacher Lin as a woman. I haven’t gone to peep at Teacher Lin while bathing.”
This bastard! I picked up a large stone, and furiously threw it down. Landing heavily in the water about two meters away from Huang Shulang, causing water to splash really high, just like a bomb. Huang Shulang jumped in fright, and quickly began swimming towards the pool’s edge.
I originally also wanted to jump down, but after falling into the water, I was afraid that my whole body would be soaked just like Huang Shulang. In the bag there were still a lot of snacks. The newly bought flashlight would also become useless. This ‘getting soaked into the water’ would only be a foolish endeavour.
I was able to use the Primordial Qi 风 (Wind) character to push away the coffin, could I also possibly use the Primordial Qi 风 character to bring me down?
With this thought, I immediately condensed a Primordial Qi 风 character. Having rested here for a long time, my Primordial Qi had already been replenished slightly. Just enough to condense a Primordial Qi 风 character. I took Black Bean into my hands, and moving with a thought, that Primordial Qi 风 character turned into a small scale tornado that immediately enveloped me. A feeling immediately emerged in my body, I was unexpectedly flying!
The most important thing was that this tornado was seemingly capable of understanding my thoughts. Slowly sweeping me away of the waterfall side, then flowing over the pool, till it finally slowly descended. By the time of landing, my Primordial Qi had been completely used up. The tornado losing control, immediately turned into a wind that flew towards the forest. However, Black Bean and I immediately fell down from the sky. Pressing down heavily on Huang Shulang, who had just now managed to climb onto the shore.
Huang Shulang had managed to come ashore, while ashore, he was panting incessantly. Being pressed down by me like this, he had only just barely managed to not die.
“Demon!” Huang Shulang naturally didn’t expect that I could use this type of domineering method to come down, he was frightened half-dead, and immediately pissed himself out of fright.
I didn’t continue sitting on him, and rolled aside onto the ground, as Black Bean in my hands also rolled out, whining a few times, showing his extreme discontent towards me.
“Who did you call demon, eh? Get up quickly, it’s already late, we should return quickly. Black Bean, you go tell Old Yellow to come down, we’ll go back.” I instructed Black Bean, who then took to his heels and ran.
Huang Shulang opened his eyes wide to look at Black Bean scramming away, envying him very much.
“Master, when will it be time for me to get such a good dog.” Huang Shulang stood up scrambling, took off his clothes, forcefully wrung out the water, and finally put on the inner vest and underwear in his hands. The skin on his body was extremely white. He looked like an upright walking pig.
“No problem, if you perform well, perhaps I may consider.” I said after thinking for a bit.
“Master, this time, what rare books did we find, later what martial arts will I train in?” Huang Shulang further asked.
This was a problem. There was no way by which I could teach my Dao to this blockhead. I, myself, have still yet to completely unravel its intricacies, how could I teach Huang Shulang? However, I recalled Xing Yi Five Fists, since Xing Yi Five Fists was too difficult, I could try to find a kung fu that was not that difficult, to teach him.
“Don’t worry, as your Teacher, I have the means.” I said in a tv scholar-like accent.
Huang Shulang also became very happy, nodding his head, then bent: “Later, I will cut a jin of pig head meat from our house and deliver it to Master’s house.”
Your mother! I wish I could kick Huang Shulang back into the pool. My exceptional kung fu was only worth one jin of pig head meat? What is even the value of a jin of pig head meat?
After returning to our courtyard, Teacher Lin immediately came out to greet us: “Huang Jingyang, did you pick up the mushrooms?”
Mushrooms! This important issue was unexpectedly forgotten.
“Don’t talk about it. This damned fatty, while carrying the basket, rolled and fell into the pool. Thus, all the mushrooms fell into the pool.” I became somewhat afraid upon seeing Teacher Lin. A child with a guilty conscience was like this.
Teacher Lin smiled sweetly: “Huang Jingyang, you’ve forgotten that whenever you lie you always look in all directions.”
I knew it! I just knew that I wouldn’t be able to deceive this astute and beautiful woman. I could only droop my head low, and adorn a face of sincerity.
“Huang Jingyang, hurry up and put away your trickery. Otherwise, tonight I will fry meat with bamboo shoots.” Teacher Lin said threateningly.
This intelligent woman studies everything very quickly, even learning our village’s speciality dish bamboo shoots fried meat. This bamboo shoots fried meat is not like any other bamboo shoots fried meat. When village children do something wrong, the parents are most fond of using moso bamboo branches to teach a lesson. After the leaves fall down from the bamboo branch, it can be used for making a broom, they can even be used for teaching lessons to children. The slender branches are extremely painful when whipped, but the wound wouldn’t reach the bones, and also wouldn’t damage the skin. No need to worry about any residual effects. Moreover, the material is cheap and could be seen everywhere. The village children all grew up eating bamboo shoots fried meat.
“Teacher Lin, now that the bamboo shoots have all turned into bamboo. How could we still be able to eat the sprouts?” I said while keeping a smile on my face.
“Heng! It seems that someone won’t shed tears until he sees the coffin. You say that you go out to play, just go out to play. You also deceived me about going to to pick mushrooms. The worst part is that you had originally agreed to take me along. You unexpectedly abandoned me. See if I don’t tidy you up nicely to the point of death today.” Teacher Lin said as she picked me up.
I, Huang Jingyang, was unexpectedly picked up by a woman. Do children have no human rights?
I steeled my heart, and with a voice full of righteousness shouted out: “Grandpa, Help!”
The world of adults was not something that I, a child cultivator, could understand. Grandpa, who had always been treating me like a treasured object, was unexpectedly taking the side of the evildoer: “Teacher Lin, you must not use your hands to hit, our peasant family’s children have thick skin, it would only hurt your hand if you hit them. Behind the main entrance, is my bamboo which I used to set off fireworks. Strike with all your might.”
Good. I finally understood, upon returning from picking.
I suddenly felt a chill in my buttocks, Teacher Lin had unexpectedly taken off my pants. A gentleman should die before disgrace, if it were not for the fact that I saw here as a woman, I would have become impolite quite early. However, don’t think that just because she is a woman, I don’t have any means.
I turned to see Teacher Lin raise the bamboo strip high, and immediately let out a yell.
“Aiyo Mama. I’m dying from pain.”
Teacher Lin let out a giggle: “Huang Jingyang, your shout is a bit premature. My stick has yet to come down.”
You think I am a fool? When the stick has yet to fall, what use is shouting?
“Aiyo Mama. Teacher Lin, you really hit me?” This time was really painful. It seems like this time I really offended her.
“You still thought that I was just doing it for appearances? Huang Jingyang, you be honest with me, where exactly did you go today? I heard the kiosk owner saying that you bought a flashlight in there the day before yesterday, and also bought a packet of biscuits. You left when the dawn broke today, holding a flashlight, why? You have so much dirt on yourself, and so much moss. You tell me, where exactly did you go?” Is it not said that people with less hair are more intelligent? A beautiful woman having such long hair, being so intelligent, is it really fair?
How could I admit fear in front of this woman, I would rather be beaten to death than concede.
“I went to the pool to go take a bath over there. The pool over there has a cave, heard that there were fish inside. So I brought along a flashlight.”
Hit again on the buttocks, making me feel a burning sensation, in my heart I paid respects to the many great ancestors of the house of the person who had invented the use of bamboo sticks to hit people.
“You actually still dare to deceive me. You don’t speak, but do you think that Huang Shulang also won’t speak? Today, I told Huang Shulang’s parents, and we decided that when you both come back, we would immediately hold a joint meeting. When Huang Shulang confesses later, you will suffer double the beating.”
Teacher Lin didn’t leave me any escape route. I continued to remain silent.
“I know that you went to the Ba Jiao Mountain Main Peak! I just want to hear you speak the truth yourself. Today, how should I give you a lesson.” Teacher Lin again heavily whipped down on my body several times.
I didn’t shout. Because I could hear Teacher Lin’s voice trembling slightly. I turned my head to see that Teacher Lin’s eyes had become red. She was worried about me. Even though I was young, I was still able to feel the warmth of care.
Teacher Lin dropped the bamboo stick in her hands, and pulling up my pants said: “Huang Jingyang, I am telling you, if you dare to go to the Ba Jiao Mountain Main Peak again, I will break your legs.”
Having this time’s experience, I also didn’t want to go over there and take risks.
“Teacher Lin, I guarantee I won’t go.” I drooped my head, and naively laid down on the Teacher Lin’s legs. I unexpectedly fell asleep like that on a woman’s leg. Today was not only thrilling, but also exhausting. Although there was still some burning pain on the buttocks, I was able to sleep soundly.
By the time of waking up, it was already night. Grandpa had just placed the vegetables in the boiler for heating, by the time of eating, it would be steaming hot.
“This child, Teacher Lin had gone to the kiosk to do some shopping, only to come to know that you bought a flashlight. She immediately suspected that you had gone to the Ba Jiao Mountain Main Peak. There are a lot of dangers don’t you know? So many people of archaeology team went there, but nobody came out alive. You and Fatty were really lucky. If you didn’t come out, what would I have done?” Grandpa puffed on his pipe, and didn’t speak for a long time.
I didn’t tell Grandpa and Teacher Lin about the matters of the cave, they also didn’t ask. This thing just like this passed slowly. Henceforth, I became more clever. Giving off the impression of an ordinary child.